This week is flying by and spring is definitely here. I am lucky enough to live in a lovely little village where you notice the change of the seasons and the different colours each season brings.
The weekend was beautiful and sunny and Monday seemed to come round far too quickly. Back in the office we have been talking about our weekends and inevitably sharing our thoughts, feelings and some of the conversations we had. It's funny when you get a group of people who study conversations and negotiations and how people work. We all understand the emotional and logical brain but we can't stop our own emotional conversations.
One was a family disagreement, one was a change in weekend plans, one was to do with the children. As we shared we all laughed because we know it's all about us, we know our side of the conversation is based on what we believe to be true. Does it help we are more aware of this? Yes and no.
It's hard when you are talking about a subject where your emotions are involved. It's hard not to listen from your perspective and want to "chip" in without fully listening to the other person. It's hard not to say the words you know will cause hurt or pain or provoke a response.
If you are more aware you can walk away with a sentence such as "I need some time out before I say something I regret". If you are more aware you can self talk to get back to a logical thought process quicker. If you aware you can say sorry if required :-).
How we think about something will change the way we feel. How we feel will change our attitude and our attitude will affect the way we behave.
I am very structured, I don't deal with chaos or what I perceive to be wasting time very well. I get frustrated and my brain starts to think about all the other things I could be doing. As a result of this, when family life doesn't go to plan, my emotional brain kicks in and I will be over dramatic. Just ask my other half!!!
I revert back to child like behaviour, although I don't stamp my foot anymore. The good news is I know this, I can change my behaviour most of the time but it has to be a conscious effort. Good communication is not easy, it requires practice. It requires a thoughtful process of self reflection and the courage to say I am being emotional, I am sorry and I need a bit of time to get my thoughts together.
Good communication is about being brave and admitting we all have strong emotions especially in particular subjects. Note how you are, monitor your behaviour when someone challenges you on what you believe to be true. Reflect on what gets you emotional. I don't mean just sad but all the emotions, angry, frustrated, sad, happy.
Good communication takes self awareness and skill. It's the one thinng we do every day, we communicate.
How many relationships have been destroyed by words or emotional conversation where both parties are adamant they are right? Families who never talk to each other, marriages which break up. I could go on and on.
When I was much younger I had a terrible temper. My mum believes in this day and age I would have been diagnosed with ADHD. I am not sure this is true but what I do know is I saw red. Once I saw red I would behave in an incredibly aggressive manner. I would rip up the pillow cases, destroy things, lash out at my sister, say horrible hurtful words to my mum - sorry mum - and generally be awful. I wish someone had sat me down at that age and told me about my emotional brain, showed me a way to take myself out of a situation, explained this was normal. I heard recently of a school for autistic children who teach them about the Chimp Paradox - awesome.
Once people know about this they are like "wow that's what I do!!" . Education is the key - please share and like if you think this might help someone you know or has helped you in anyway