Feedback is a gift!
So why sometimes doesn’t it
feel like it. In fact it can feel like a personal criticism.
The emotional side of the brain takes over and the internal dialogue kicks in.
You have an argument with the person who has given you the feedback, in your own head of course, although sometimes we do emotionally reply, depending on who they are.
For example you are more likely to respond to someone you know well than perhaps a student or a member of your team.
So why do we take it so personally when we might even have asked for the feedback.
It’s all to do with the primitive unconscious mind going into protective mode.
The learning is in the reflection, the questions we ask ourselves like, “what is it that’s making that person feel/think that way”.
Whatever is happening it’s their perspective, their lens they are seeing the world through.
But this has to be a conscious decision, you have to grab those thoughts, shake yourself out of the emotional brain, or ride it out safe in the knowledge it will pass and then you will reflect.
It takes courage to ask for honest feedback. Whoever you ask they will not know all the things going on in the background, the challenges you might have, your own personal circumstances. They will just see the tip of the iceberg and interpret it how they see it.
Most of our communication is unconscious, we blurt out what comes into our heads especially when we are in an emotional state.
So when someone does give us feedback, let it sit for a while before you reply, reflect on the emotions you are feeling and only reply or talk through it when you have had the opportunity to reflect and think about what it is that’s happening for the other person to give you the feedback in the first place.
Communication is a skill like any other and when you become more conscious of how you behave that’s when the magic can happen.