Three tips to improve your daily conversations

For the last decade I have had the privilege of talking to people in crisis, where there is a life at risk.

I have also had the honour of coaching people, where they are have their own crisis, not necessarily with a life at risk. I have also coached and taught people how to make a difference and be successful in their own lives.

I have also been coached, still am coached and will always be coached in some way shape or form. Mainly because I know it works.

No matter what conversation you are having with others here are three tips I have learnt along the way, which I believe make a big difference to how we interact and communicate with others.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a chat with a friend, colleague of a complete stranger, knowing this will help.

1. MMFI

Make me feel important. We all like to feel valued, listened to and appreciated. Whether we are adding value to the world or we are feeling valued because of who we are, it helps us to fulfil our role in society and life.

If I am standing in the edge of a building telling you how no one cares about me, the natural response you might think is to tell me you do. But these are words against my powerful belief system, empty words with no meaning. You will probably get the response, “ no you don’t, you don’t even know me”.

If you reflect back my feelings, perhaps “ you sound like you feel alone”, I will see you are listening, understanding, respecting me - making me feel valued.

If I am your child and I tell you some girls at school have called me ugly your natural reaction might be to say, “ignore them, you are beautiful”. I will smile and walk away but not feel better as you haven’t acknowledged how I feel or shown understanding.

If you say words like, “ sounds like you had a rough day today”, now you are showing you are listening and doing your best to understand me.

2. Control

We all like to be in control and when we’re not we can feel it. It might make us emotional or feel insecure. It will also initially make us say no when someone gives us a suggestion. It doesn’t mean we won’t do something but it gives us thinking time and control.

If you suggest something to me like stepping back from the ledge, you are likely to get a no. If you show me why this will be to my benefit and make the decision mine I am more likely to do this of my own accord, in my own way.

If I am a member of your team and there is a big change going on, which takes me out of my comfort zone, goes against what I believe to be true then I am likely to resist.

If you explain to me why the change is happening and involve me in the process, asking me what I think, what I would do, then I have more control. 

See how this intertwines with MMFI?

3. Be with me in the moment.

This sounds easier than it is, this means it’s not all about you but all about them.

No judgement, no advice, no mobile, no responding to text messages. Sometimes you don’t even have to say anything, you just have to spend time with me. Let me rant, let me express how I feel, let me know you are there for me.

I personally believe this is the best gift you can give anyone. It’s free 😁. You have to be in the moment, in the now for it to work.

Again it links into the other two.

Good luck and let me know what I can do to help you.

Nicky