We are all different

When I was growing up I felt different. I wasn’t sure why or how but I just felt I was a little different from everyone else.

My friends were into clothes and how they looked - I wasn’t really.

Then they were into boys - I wasn’t.

Then they were into makeup, heels and handbags - I wasn’t.

To be honest I am not sure why I felt different, I just did. A bit like a round peg in a square hole, trying to fit in when it felt so odd.

Then one day a lady at church a lady came up to me and said, “ I hope you find your happiness whatever it is”. I was taken a back. I was in my late teens and not really thinking about much. Why had she said this to me?

I would do things to fit in - hung around with some shady people, did actions I am not particularly proud of and all because I wanted to belong.

Thankfully my dad took me to a careers day at New Scotland Yard  and I joined the police. Of course here I was part of a big team. 

Having said that there were many times in my career where I felt I didn’t belong, didn’t fit in.

I never wanted to fight, I didn’t like bully boy culture, and there were a few in the early days, and I performed some roles whereby I just didn’t fit in. Having said that I knew the areas I loved, being with people, working hard, the thrill of never really knowing what would happen and making a difference, no matter how small.

On my wedding day - my second one - my sister gave me a card saying, “ why fit in when you were born to stand out”. She knows me well.

After eighteen years of being a cop, a string of failed relationships and getting older I realised it was time to take a proper look at myself. The common denominator of those failed relationships was of course me. It was easy for me to blame everyone else when things went wrong - parents, work, others, world.

I went on several personal development courses, participated in volunteer work, studied different books, learnt more. I guess I was at the age of “finding a purpose”. Don’t get me wrong I enjoyed most of my life but felt there was something missing.

I had a deep yearning, a calling I guess you could call it, but I wasn’t sure what or why. I considered leaving the force, not because I was unhappy just because I felt there was something more.

Then I discovered coaching, I was lucky enough to get on a years coaching course at work. Wow - this was amazing, listening and changing people’s lives. 

Then in 2008 I became a Negotiator and everything fell into place. Like an epiphany moment  I found my purpose and place in life.

Over the next decade I had the most wonderful experiences, had the privilege of meeting some of the most kind, humble individuals and was able to make the difference in the world I was destined to do.

My life changed as I discovered me and what makes me tick. This is a continuous process of self discovery and learning and as all the great teachers say, “ every day is a school day”.

I have learnt many lessons along the way, here are just a few.

We are all different - thank goodness 😁.

Most of us want to belong - humans naturally thrive on being part of something greater than themselves but many of us will compromise our own values and beliefs to “fit in”.

What works for you might not work for me - and that’s ok, just remember the advice you give me is from your perspective.

Happiness will only ever come from you - when you learn this you are free to be you.

We are unique and individual all with our own talents to share with the world.

Don’t be afraid to be you, embrace it, enjoy it and have fun along the way.

Have a great day

Nicky